Fish in the Sea

I had dinner w/a friend the other night who is sort of an auntie and guitar mentor for me.
I’ve been a bit perplexed…. a lot of times things that seem logical to me, don’t get through to others
and it’s based on my approach:

My approach to people is automatic… it’s a finely tuned gut reaction… minus the gurgles.
My approach when meeting a person is to find the common ground.
I didn’t actively think of this as a reason to start off with… before common ground-finding was
a conscious intention of mine… I did it as a coping mechanism or a way to excuse a person from
bad behavior.

Now, I view it as…. when you find something that relates with someone else and decide this is what you
have in common…. you’ve invested. You’ve cared. You’ve made an effort to seek a level of moving
forward or through. You’re acknowledging this person as a part of you. You are now connected.
Feeling you’re connected to a person, is important in knowing who you are in the big scheme of things.

The difference between someone like me… and say, like someone on a religious mission… is that I seek the
connections and the ways we relate that already exist. Evangelism is trying to create a connection that doesn’t
already exist. It’s very different. This was pointed out to me… and I appreciate it, because now I understand
just another reason why sometimes I will butt-heads with someone who has a different approach.

So, which one is easier? Finding the common thread or creating the common thread? Is it easier to get someone to do what you do or is it easier to find something that we both already do and respect each other for all the other things we do different?

It’s so much easier to love someone for who they are, rather than conditionally love someone based on what you want them to do and who you want them to be.

Well, I wish I had a picture I’d like to post but, it’s 4:05a and it took a bit of pushing to even write a blog. But I know many people like blogs for the pictures… the same people that like magazines over books ( I am one of these people half the time).
Well, I just wanted to say…. I am so excited to start playing shows again. It’s happening sooner than you think. I’m loving my new songs and old re-worked songs. Thinking about playing them for people and seeing old and new faces makes me very happy.
See you soon.

My altruism makes people uncomfortable. Not just that… I make people uncomfortable.
I always have. Because when you’re feeling guilty or bad about something you do, or said
in comparison to how another person who goes about it in a genuine and positive way,
it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong. No one likes to feel wrong. No one
really likes feeling like the bitch in the room.
I was going to write about my personal journey through this, but I’ve decided not to.
I’d rather just say that I hope when more and more people gather at my shows or forums
I create with my music as the common denominator… that it’s full of altruists also.
I have no idea if it’s an underdog thing… if it’s a maturity thing… if it’s because of my
personal experiences thusfar in life… if it’s how my parents, grandparents, aunts raised me…
but, I don’t want to be associated w/people who find enjoyment in putting other people down.
I’m not an all-inclusive person. And I’m not pious or religious. I just go-in, believing… everyone
has a story and reasons why they are the way they are and deserve to be treated kindly.
I’m over the projectile-hate machine.
When you start getting that feeling like you want to start talking shit on someone…
it would be a great thing to curb that urge by asking yourself if you could get by w/out
saying it outloud… take baby steps and move towards a neutral observation to a compliment.

I just returned from Utah and was surprised to see snow capping the mountains in Spring, blue skies and green hillsides.
Man, I really miss my dad and my sister!
This month I’m getting to see them and my family in Japan. I’m really thankful for that. I need the family connection to fill my hole-y heart, being single, quite busy and uninterested in romantics at the moment.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about my artist friends and friends who are creative and hard workers, but who I don’t consider artists and also thinking about how people will describe or give a person a title as an artist, when they are really… a performer, or an entertainer. Maybe it’s difficult for some to distinguish the difference.

Can you be an artist who makes art for money? How much money? What if the money is just for basic living? Can a person who wants more for themselves than just basic survival and living consider themselves an artist? Can you call someone cheap when they are broke?

The thing of it is…. there’s a lot of judgements made on how things may appear. The way things appear are usually never equal to the way things are. Can I give you some insight you may have heard before… a little lesson? Please?

Okay, here I go…

Most musicians barely squeeze by in financial terms unless they reach a critical mass audience. In order to reach a critical mass audience, you’ve got to follow the science of how to make money. You’ve got to get a lot of attention. People have to like you. People have to like what you put out there. It must be controlled to only put out there what a lot of people like. If people like your image and what you look like, and music got their attention, you can get paid a hundred times more. Is it weird that you get paid more for what your mamma gave you than for the actual music you made. Sponsors pay more than record labels.

Guess what? A lot of people like crap. Just like a lot of people like fast food and don’t care about processed food, factory farms and chemicals. You keep consuming it, they’ll keep producing it from the sound factory… the image factory. Not a lot of people know what art is or appreciate art or the livelihood of an artist. And a portion of the people who know and like art, will pay for it. It’s just the way it is.

Regardless if you’re an artist or not an artist… doing it for the money, or not for the money. You have to do it because you love it… or you wouldn’t keep doing it. So, that being said, I appreciate anyone who pursues music as their livelihood. And I admire and relate with an artist, in the pure form of the meaning and the message. But I also give big whoops to strong business sense…. and people who use all they’ve got to make it in the world.

Well, I will have to stop myself for now….

first record: Michael Jackson’s THRILLER

first cassette tapes: The Go Go’s Greatest Hits, Paula Abdul’s FOREVER YOUR GIRL

first compact discs: The Body Guard Soundtrack (whitney houston), TLC’s Ooooooh ON THE TLC TIP, Boomerang soundtrack (for Boyz II Men)

weird huh?

I remember listening to this song in the hospital while getting my tonsils taken out! hahahaha.

This boy once told me… while I was sort of venting to him… and this was years ago: ”Some people are just not going to like you, it’s not a big deal, it’s just life”. And this is a statement I’ll probably never forget. And he was sort of a friend and he was gorgeous and at that time I thought that was a big deal… and what did he know about people not liking him, what did he know about anything etc. etc. And you hear a lot and I have heard a lot ever since I recognized art and music and entertainment as a business…. “you have to be able to take rejection”

I think that these things are true… but, I’ve never thought of music and me making music as an issue of being liked or being rejected and having to take rejection. Music has always been in my life and I enjoyed it and I discovered I can create it and just love it. I’ve always been told that I’m rather sensitive… but, just like how kids fall and get back up again, it’s being sensitive also, that gives me the ability to be resilient.
Resilience to me, equals strength. A lot of my strength comes from knowing who I am and for the most part, liking who I am.

I was talking with a friend about relationships and how there have been so many times where relationships were ended and they didn’t know why they got rejected and we agreed that it’s better not to know to know why and focus on the… for whatever reason, it didn’t work. Does it matter why? Does it feel good to have a relationship where you manipulated the person to like you? Where you changed yourself just to be accepted?

I probably take rejection too well and I’ll pretty much do what I want, whether you like it or not. The times I can immediately remember as rejection were actually exhilarating… I felt super-heroic power to conquer the world because my heart sank so low and I bounced so high like the super plastic balls from the grocery store vending machine.

I say, be afraid of rejection…. but, still allow yourself that risk because the strength you gain from it, is more than you gain from acceptance.

I’ve been watching Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution… and for me, it’s not SO interesting because I’ve been studying and researching where our food comes from and what’s good and healthy and ethical and right for years and years and my mom grew up on an agricultural farm and passed-down quite a lot of info and I’ve read all of Michael Pollan’s books and passed on info to others. I grew up cooking etc. So, I watch the show still really wanting them to give even more information… but understanding when you give information or want to strike up a movement… you have to give it in doses. And for most, it’s the first dose.

But, what I do find exciting is that with this show, the things that I already know and am concerned about becomes… relevant to a mass beyond my inner sanctum or people I break bread with. Not everyone had grandparents with land they ate off of, a mom that made her tear up the backyard for a veggie garden and fruit trees. Not everyone genuinely prefers salads and soup and unprocessed foods. I think it’s true that you grow a taste for it.

I know a lot of people …. who don’t know any better, say they don’t like politics. Well, you don’t have to, but you should know that the majority of the reason why you have what you have is because of politics. So, knowing politics and history is important in understanding where your food comes from and why certain things are in certain stores and schools in certain parts of the world amongst other major problems in our world like poverty.

So, it really bugs me… even to see on facebook in your political orientation… that many put that they don’t care for politics. It’s really not a time to be passive. It’s a great time to state what you stand for and what you care about and if you don’t know what to call it, maybe it would be a good idea to find out what it’s called in terms of politics… so other people know where you stand and what you care about. If people don’t know what you stand for, then you get lost in the shuffle and you remain voiceless in societies where there is a highly organized system to keep you quiet, lazy, uninformed and passive.

We have so much access to information. I, for one… am so curious and I can barely stand not having answers upon answers for everything and anything I’m curious about. Like… why certain countries have cheaper automobiles that don’t run on gas. Why certain countries utilize technology and push out products years before the US does and we charge more for it? I think it’s important to ask questions…. and react to the results of your findings.

I know by namesake and maybe I should be purposefully promoting myself, but
I wanted to share my friend Mick Kelleher’s band MK and The Gentlemen. I know
first-hand he works really hard and is a far-cry from a lot of douchy people
trying to make it in the music world. and…..I love this song so check them out.

It has taken me a long time to accept aspects of myself that don’t go hand-in-hand with mass ideas….
I am not a team-player, but I’m not competitive either and I used to feel bad about that.
So, in consequence… I’ve done things by myself or learned how to even if it takes longer.

An issue I’ve had as a female in the music industry before I even realized I was in one,
is people who say they want to “help” me… when they really want to help themselves
and ride me like a donkey while holding the carrot in front of my face.
Hey, you know…. I’m too old to not understand these situations.
I’m ready to accept the help, but I’m too hungry to eat carrot sticks.