first record: Michael Jackson’s THRILLER

first cassette tapes: The Go Go’s Greatest Hits, Paula Abdul’s FOREVER YOUR GIRL

first compact discs: The Body Guard Soundtrack (whitney houston), TLC’s Ooooooh ON THE TLC TIP, Boomerang soundtrack (for Boyz II Men)

weird huh?

I remember listening to this song in the hospital while getting my tonsils taken out! hahahaha.

This boy once told me… while I was sort of venting to him… and this was years ago: ”Some people are just not going to like you, it’s not a big deal, it’s just life”. And this is a statement I’ll probably never forget. And he was sort of a friend and he was gorgeous and at that time I thought that was a big deal… and what did he know about people not liking him, what did he know about anything etc. etc. And you hear a lot and I have heard a lot ever since I recognized art and music and entertainment as a business…. “you have to be able to take rejection”

I think that these things are true… but, I’ve never thought of music and me making music as an issue of being liked or being rejected and having to take rejection. Music has always been in my life and I enjoyed it and I discovered I can create it and just love it. I’ve always been told that I’m rather sensitive… but, just like how kids fall and get back up again, it’s being sensitive also, that gives me the ability to be resilient.
Resilience to me, equals strength. A lot of my strength comes from knowing who I am and for the most part, liking who I am.

I was talking with a friend about relationships and how there have been so many times where relationships were ended and they didn’t know why they got rejected and we agreed that it’s better not to know to know why and focus on the… for whatever reason, it didn’t work. Does it matter why? Does it feel good to have a relationship where you manipulated the person to like you? Where you changed yourself just to be accepted?

I probably take rejection too well and I’ll pretty much do what I want, whether you like it or not. The times I can immediately remember as rejection were actually exhilarating… I felt super-heroic power to conquer the world because my heart sank so low and I bounced so high like the super plastic balls from the grocery store vending machine.

I say, be afraid of rejection…. but, still allow yourself that risk because the strength you gain from it, is more than you gain from acceptance.

I’ve been watching Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution… and for me, it’s not SO interesting because I’ve been studying and researching where our food comes from and what’s good and healthy and ethical and right for years and years and my mom grew up on an agricultural farm and passed-down quite a lot of info and I’ve read all of Michael Pollan’s books and passed on info to others. I grew up cooking etc. So, I watch the show still really wanting them to give even more information… but understanding when you give information or want to strike up a movement… you have to give it in doses. And for most, it’s the first dose.

But, what I do find exciting is that with this show, the things that I already know and am concerned about becomes… relevant to a mass beyond my inner sanctum or people I break bread with. Not everyone had grandparents with land they ate off of, a mom that made her tear up the backyard for a veggie garden and fruit trees. Not everyone genuinely prefers salads and soup and unprocessed foods. I think it’s true that you grow a taste for it.

I know a lot of people …. who don’t know any better, say they don’t like politics. Well, you don’t have to, but you should know that the majority of the reason why you have what you have is because of politics. So, knowing politics and history is important in understanding where your food comes from and why certain things are in certain stores and schools in certain parts of the world amongst other major problems in our world like poverty.

So, it really bugs me… even to see on facebook in your political orientation… that many put that they don’t care for politics. It’s really not a time to be passive. It’s a great time to state what you stand for and what you care about and if you don’t know what to call it, maybe it would be a good idea to find out what it’s called in terms of politics… so other people know where you stand and what you care about. If people don’t know what you stand for, then you get lost in the shuffle and you remain voiceless in societies where there is a highly organized system to keep you quiet, lazy, uninformed and passive.

We have so much access to information. I, for one… am so curious and I can barely stand not having answers upon answers for everything and anything I’m curious about. Like… why certain countries have cheaper automobiles that don’t run on gas. Why certain countries utilize technology and push out products years before the US does and we charge more for it? I think it’s important to ask questions…. and react to the results of your findings.

I know by namesake and maybe I should be purposefully promoting myself, but
I wanted to share my friend Mick Kelleher’s band MK and The Gentlemen. I know
first-hand he works really hard and is a far-cry from a lot of douchy people
trying to make it in the music world. and…..I love this song so check them out.

It has taken me a long time to accept aspects of myself that don’t go hand-in-hand with mass ideas….
I am not a team-player, but I’m not competitive either and I used to feel bad about that.
So, in consequence… I’ve done things by myself or learned how to even if it takes longer.

An issue I’ve had as a female in the music industry before I even realized I was in one,
is people who say they want to “help” me… when they really want to help themselves
and ride me like a donkey while holding the carrot in front of my face.
Hey, you know…. I’m too old to not understand these situations.
I’m ready to accept the help, but I’m too hungry to eat carrot sticks.

The heat in Spring makes me think back….
and makes me think of the first time I “heard” John Lee Hooker
It was some time after high school…
was really into surfing then and going to the beach
I would drive to a spot when it was flat with a book and a towel
and watch the kite surfers …. the beach was nearly empty
during this time of year…
but, the residents were usually home… multi millionaires maybe?
I befriended many during this time because I was laying in their
front yard basically almost every day between classes.
One day I heard this music and it just fit my mood…delight
I didn’t know who or what i was listening to but, I knew i liked it.
I went home and typed-in lyrics I remembered and figured out it
was John Lee Hooker.
I came back the next day and listened again….
I went home and downloaded every song I could find, and made myself
a mix and burned it to cd….
None of my friends got it… they were not into it but I was so obsessed
I woke up too late to head to the beach, and I rarely just go anymore to
hang out… so busy, but the weather today made me desperate to just listen
to him sing…. and start practicing blues chords

As I lay in my van and tip tap type my first blog I am pondering why because you are inside, does the top become the ceiling and on the outside it becomes the roof. All surfaces have labels. When you go deep, things get more difficult to define.

A roof has a function but so does a ceiling? Could you imagine living in a world where everything was named by their function? Oh yeah, it’s called your job.

I live in an old building with no built-in lighting. You have to hang the lamps. I use a clip lamp in my van and squeeze the cord through the rear hatch door and plug into my garage. Let there be light! I got pulled-over by a cop and he had no legal right to except his own suspicion. He asked me why I had a lamp in my car. I told him it was because I am a musician. I didn’t know how to answer him quickly. But you know when you meet someone who only wants that instant answer and you know you won’t ever see them again so it doesn’t matter much what you say. I tend to take on that attitude with most people. I assume no one really wants details when you speak in conversation. And chances are granted when the odds are in my favor. My mind doesn’t often ignore details, but I am guilty of an accommodation filter. I will only overload to close friends and maybe this blog.

So, hello! This is my blog and I plan on sharing some fine mental paraphernalia. I will try to be topical but, no promises!